I spent a bit of time today reading a couple of free e-books from Simply Charlotte Mason. Now, I actually know very little about Charlotte Mason, except that she had a lot to say about education, and that many, many home-schoolers rely on her writings as the foundation of their home-schooling experience.
I must admit, however, I found some tidbits in these books that gave me pause. One, from the book Smooth and Easy Days, is the title of today's post. In a chapter about nagging, the author (who has pulled the best of Charlotte Mason's work into a short, easily accessible format) compares the difference in a child's mind between Mom's reminders (read, "nagging"), and having to remember something themselves.
As we all know, a child can't remember ever so many things, such as the towel on the floor of the bathroom that should have been hung, or the slippers one trips over in the middle of the living room floor. Her suggestions?
1) Choose one area to focus on for several weeks, rather than try to improve everything all at once.
2) Make sure the child understands (simply) the expectations. (i.e. "I want you to remember something with all your might. When you finish your shower, you must hang up your towel. If you forget, I promise to remind you.")
3) Now, when the towel gets forgotten, rather than a) picking it up yourself and huffing about it, or b) scolding the child for forgetting it yet again, you c) call the child in and calmly say, "I promised I'd help you remember." If that isn't quite enough, pointing to the offending item will usually jog the memory--but you haven't had to say, "Hang up the towel." Instead, his brain said it; you simply helped him remember.
I'm up for trying it. And it may be helpful in practice, too. Perhaps she needs to use a metronome on a difficult spot. You explain what is expected. Then you promise to remind her if she forgets. Then, if indeed she forgets, you don't have to launch into a tirade about how she never remembers (or doesn't want) to use the metronome. You instead say, gently, "I promised I'd help you remember, and point to the metronome."
Will it work? I don't know. I just today read it. But it might. And it's a whole lot gentler than the reactions I feel welling up inside me when [yet again] something gets "forgotten."
Besides, I'd far rather be reminded gently than shamed for forgetting, wouldn't you?
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