I'm close to finishing a delightful and inspirational book by Mark Buchanan, titled The Rest of God. In today's reading, Mr. Buchanan is exploring the notion of a curious God, one who likes to ask questions, and suddenly, I found a piece of parenting advice!
I have read a number of parenting books which recommend giving the child choices, or adapting your way of communicating to better fit the style/needs/abilities/developmental age of the child. But I have often wondered what God, as the Heavenly Parent, would do with a child caught misbehaving.
How did I miss it all these years? There it is in, in the opening chapters of our world's history. Adam and Eve have disobeyed. God said, "Don't eat." They have both eaten. And God knows it. He is intimately aware of their choice and their behavior.
But unlike me, a human parent, God doesn't come in, raging. He doesn't turn his back and ignore it. He doesn't lecture, belittle, or remonstrate. The first thing He does is to ask questions.
"Where are you?" (as if He didn't know!). "Have you eaten from the tree?" (Ummm, why would He be asking if they haven't?) "What is this you have done?"
Imagine. You have found the cookie jar with the lid off and empty, crumbs lining the path between kitchen and bedroom, and a significant lump under the bedcovers. You have a choice. You can tear off the covers, confront the miscreant, and declare your authority. Or, following the example of the Heavenly Father, you can ask questions. Standing at the doorway, you call, "Darling, where are you?" "Have you eaten the cookies?" "Do you know what it is you really did?"
Why is this better? Because, as Mr. Buchanan points out, questions develop relationship. I can talk all day long, and you never really have to respond. You can stay distant, reticent, only loosely connected. But if I ask a question, it hooks you, draws you in, and demands interaction. A question sets the stage for communication unlike any other form of verbage.
By asking, "Where are you?", God allowed Adam to choose to come forth. He didn't yank him by the ear out from under the bush where he was hiding. He didn't pull Eve from behind the tree by her hair. He waited, allowing the sheepish, guilty parties to take a step toward him.
By asking, "Have you eaten from the tree?", God gave Adam and Eve room, space, to explain themselves. To be true, they took that gift of space and turned it into a blaming session, but how much kinder to give that space, than for God to begin the interaction by blaming and accusing them Himself. [There is a reason that the devil is called the "accuser of the brethern"--he accuses, not God.] In His infinite wisdom and gentleness, God allows Adam and Eve to bring the facts to the table.
In asking, "What is this that thou has done?", God brings to light the scope of their choice, again without the yelling, lecturing or sternness that so often characterize my interaction with my child. While each of us can interpret the tone of voice according to our own beliefs, I see nothing in God's words, in His questions, that suggest to me anger, harshness, or irritation. While He has every right to "give them what-for", that is not His way. Instead, He invites interaction, encourages relationship, even at this crucial moment when Earth's purity has been sold for a taste.
If the Heavenly Father could approach our mis-behaving first parents with gentleness and a question, perhaps it is an example I should heed. Perhaps, questioning would do more to bind my son to me than any amount of heavy-handed wisdom.
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